“What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.” Goes that hit song by Haddaway, dance hit of the 90’s. So, what is love? How do you define love?

These are some of the meanings of this magical 4-letter word that I came across via numerous sources:

• A strong positive emotion of regard and affection
• Any object of warm affection or devotion
• A beloved person; used as terms of endearment
• A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction

Therefore, is love is nothing but infatuation?? Is it entirely physical in nature or that shallow? Isn’t “the greatest thing in the world is to be loved and love in return???” What’s with the hype about it, then? When the lexicon itself fails to provide an accurate meaning of this “term”, where would we turn to, I wondered … time to turn to some good ol’ conventional gyaan gurus...

Poets have written about it, musicians have raved about it. The layman fantasizes about it. Hopeless romantics croon on the subject of it. Skeptics [and people of sound minds] scoff at it and cringe at the very mention of it. Movies, beyond any doubt, make a gargantuan deal over it. I’ve heard people say “hey I loved that girl sincerely for 2 yrs..”, then what happened, I asked. To which he said, ‘Oh, then I married someone else”. Defenders of romanticism will guard their stand stating that love is relative, you would not know unless you experience it, blah…blah…

So is love “Joy”?

When in love you must be:

1. Dreamy eyed all the time
2. Sigh [aanhen bharofy] at periodic intervals
3. Doing slow motion running in Swiss Alps, or similar
4. Lip synching to Sonu Nigam, SPB, or similar
5. Combining all of the above in dreamland.
6. Looking out of your window, stare at the vacant skies with chin rested in palm, with such a zany grin across your face, your peers get psyched out and almost dial Kilpauk, or similar.
7. Some nonsense about appreciating nature’s beauty …[like roses seem more sanguine than usual] which might lead us to believe that all nature lovers are pantaloons, or similar.

So if love is not joy, then is it “pain”?

When in love, one must also be:

1. Emaciated
2. Lose track of eating and day-to-day activities
3. Feel absolute misery when you don’t:
1. Talk to that special person
2. Meet the one you love.
3. And end up looking at their framed photo by the bedside [or the wrinkled copy in your wallet], and your mind takes you across the world to the Swiss Alps where you meet them …[which brings us back to the whole dream scenario.]
4. Lose sleep…[owing to all that dreaming…]
5. Fight with your lover’s parents over monetary issues, or similar …
6. Burn holes in pocket due to splurging of gifts [candy, cards, talk time, etc.]

Allright, head majorly woozy due to info overload … The gyaan gurus have confused me quite a bit, so let me try and précis what I’ve been able to grasp so far …

If (love==one way) then

{

Grow beard, get drunk

Wear torn shawl, sing songs of woe [preferably alongside a flea infested mongrel]

}

else if (love==two way)

{

go to previously enlisted points

}

else

{

Default: dump current object and seek (new object)

}

End if

End sub

Hmmm… that’s about it I guess.

PS: this was just the author’s humorous take on the phenomenon popularly known as “love”. Not intended to hurt the sentiments of the lovelorn readers or those who have been lucky to find true love.

Labels: Fun